whaddup tumblr. it’s been a really long time since i’ve posted on here. it’s 3am and i can’t sleep which could only mean one thing… my mind is all over the place.
wes is gone to portugal for the next two and a half weeks. a girl just left to ottawa. another girl is leaving to france. everyone is leaving. atleast wes is coming back.
things that have me feeling pretty down:
1) girl is leaving for france and i won’t see her in person until next year. kind of rough considering i need her. but i’m super proud of her more than anything and i can’t wait for her to have the time of her life.
2) girl went to ottawa. we became closer than ever this summer and we both realized it and are super grateful for it. sucks we’re far away but skype will be our saviour (is my hope) and bus rides will be made. super proud of all shes accomplishing. you go girl.
3) all the girls couldn’t get together. its just disappointing.
4) wes left for portugal. gone for the last two and a half weeks of summer. he;s missing my 20th birthday. we had a really big let-it-all-out talk. i’m scared that if that didn’t do the trick, i don’t know what will happen. i love him so much, it would only be devastating. he knows it too.
5) mom is having troubles finding a new job. im sending her all my positive energy. fingers crossed for the one you want.
6) brother is moving out in october. so proud of him. found the girl he wants to marry and is successful in his career. but come october i will no longer have a neighbour. i wont have someone to watch every single tv show with.i wont have a midnight snack buddy. i wont have my big brother right there anymore. there will just be an empty room beside me, and i’ll be alone with my parents.
7) my dog’s catarax is coming faster than expected. she’s going blind and we can start to see it. it’ll be a while, of course, before it gets bad. she;s still very very functional and healthy and whatnot. but to see it happening is breaking my heart.
8) my grandparents are very sick. it’s literally like this: as soon as they’re “healed” or “cured” of one thing, give it a few days, a week maybe, and something else starts up. it’s a never ending cycle of hospital runs and picking up medicine and surgeries.it makes me sad of course, but to see my mom running around every day kills me. she deserves a life of her own too, but you can’t abandon the ones you love. it breaks my heart to see her struggle.
9) wes’ dad still hasn’t talked to me. going on 3 years now. it actually kills me. it really hurts. and i’ll never know the reason why it is the way it is.
10) much more insignificant: my birthday. i wish i could spend this day with the people i love, but i can’t. (that excludes my parents and my brother). it’s hard having friends who physically can’t be there (and of course i will NEVER hold that against them. like i said, i’m proud of them). to top it off, this year my boyfriend can’t even be here. i feel selfish for feeling this way. who cares? its just a birthday. like any other day of the year. but unfortunately i feel like this. its just not a great day.
no matter what is on my mind, i always say to myself, just like my mom taught me: everything will always be okay. everything will always get better. i have people that love me. i have privileges and opportunities. i have a fantastic life. i am grateful for everything i have.
just because something makes me sad, does not mean it will define how i feel forever. i have a great life and i know it.